Are your relationships where you want them to be? Maybe it’s time for a relationship tune up. One of the easiest ways to transform a relationship is to simply listen to the other person. We have become so insistent that others need to listen to us we forget they may feel the same way leaving us in a stale mate. All parties feeling unheard and bitter.
Sometimes it’s hard to know where to start. Attached is an exercise to help you get started on the journey. Just click on the link to access the worksheets: The Practice of Presence in Listening
Now is the time. The time to be the person you have always wanted to be. That kind, compassionate, loving creature you know you are that you have been hiding deep down. The world needs you to step into yourself completely now more than ever.
You may have heard a trend in many of my writings encouraging you to be yourself. Now more than ever we need you. We need everyone to be themselves. If you look deep within, you will find how beautiful and lovely you are and how much you have to offer. That offering will be different for each of us, but that is exactly the point. Each of us offers a piece of the whole. When we finally embody our piece others can begin to move into their piece that will then nudge another to move into their piece.
We have been living in a world where we thought it was better to be like everyone else. In times like these it becomes apparent that is not the case, nor was it ever the case. We were only locked into a way of being that got us by. We may have gotten by but the overall feeling from the individual level all the way to the collective whole has been that feeling of just getting by. We aren’t here to just get by, to simply survive, we are here to live.
So, now is the time. Now is the time to live your life. Now is the time to be who you are without having to look around you to see what everyone else is doing or who they are being. We have moved into a moment of time where we are being asked to take a deeper look, remove the distractions, and finally get real.
We have all been invited into a new way of looking at life and a new way of being in this world. I hope you will join me in this adventure.
If you prefer to listen click the link to the audio
Have you ever used the phrase fighting fire with fire when it comes to an argument with another person? I always picture someone spewing a ball of fire from their mouth into an already out of control fire only to see the fire completely engulf both people bringing them both down. Yet I see this mindset and strategy used all the time when human beings are engaged in a battle.
The term fighting fire with fire originated from a 19th century fire fighting method where small fires were set in advance of a larger fire coming to reduce the “fuel” in the larger fire’s path. The concept seems great but it gave rise to other issues. Without a way to put out the smaller fires before a larger fire approached, the whole strategy backfires resulting in fire completely devastating the area.
What can we learn from the 19th century fire strategy? One, we don’t even use is correctly when we fight. Iit’s not a very smart strategy when it comes to human behavior. And two, why start additional fires when the goal is to put the fire out?
If we are only starting fires, elevating our own anger, in the face of someone who is already angry we are only successful in intensifying the anger in the room. With both parties now angry, and fuming, no one can see above the flames. No one is in a state of mind to reduce the heat and hear the other person. We are now in a battle to out anger the other party and create even more destruction.
More Fire = More Anger = More Destruction
Fires don’t put out fires. Fighting doesn’t create peace. An eye for an eye doesn’t bring about vision.
Instead of bringing more fire to the fight, try to understand why the person is upset to begin with. Try hearing them out. That’s really all they want. They want to feel heard. They want to calm down too and not feel they have to fight their way through life. To win a fight you must first stop fighting. Then you can hear what needs to be heard and you will see the fire, the anger, the fear in the other person turn down and end its destruction.
If you find this helpful or know someone who needs to hear topics like these, please be sure to share. Be a life changer. You never know what may change the course of someone’s life.
If you prefere to listen, click here for the audio recording
We all know the feelings of guilt and shame when we let ourselves down. Sometimes these feelings can be overwhelming and can feel like we are carrying a boulder with us everywhere we go. While many may be holding on to old events in our life that gave us a feeling of guilt or shame, it doesn’t mean we have to keep carrying this around moving forward.
One of the quickest ways to eliminate guilt and shame from our minds is to begin by keeping our promises. Especially the promises we have made to ourselves. Think about it. We all make promises to ourselves, usually promises that give us hope for a better life. Things like our famous New Year’s resolutions, the promise to do better this year than last, the promise to take better care of ourselves and to do better with others.
Whenever we break these promises to ourselves, we tend to spiral down into guilt and shame. That hopeful, flying high feeling the promise gave us is quickly replaced with crippling doubts about who we are and what we are capable of doing. Don’t let those crippling feelings take away the hope that had you feeling so high on the possibilities of life. Those possibilities are still there, it’s only your thoughts that would have you believe otherwise. You can still get back to that hopeful feeling and keep that promise to yourself.
Whenever you get that feeling you are carrying around a guilt or shame boulder, stop and ask if it’s keeping you from your promises. If it is, then you have an awesome opportunity to bring that promise and hope back to life. It means you still want it. We all take steps back on our way to what we want, but this is no reason to stop.
Children make mistakes all the time on their way to learning anything. We don’t tell our kids to stop when they come up against an obstacle or allow them to wallow in misery about an innocent mistake. We help them understand what happened and encourage them to keep going because it’s worth it. You can do this for yourself too.
Once you have noticed that your feelings of guilt or shame are keeping you from what you want, take a moment to identify what prompted the feelings in the first place. This will help you find where you are making yourself feel like you did something wrong. Now that you know what it is, ask yourself what you can do to either make it right or what you can do to move forward. Maybe you just need to slow down, give yourself permission to learn along the way, adjust the timeline or even make adjustments to the original promise. It is in our mistakes where we learn what it is we really want and can then make the necessary course corrections to get back to it.
You can do anything you put your mind to when you allow your mind to work for you, instead of you working for whatever your mind says.
If you find this helpful or know someone who needs to hear topics like these, please be sure to share. Be a life changer. You never know what may change the course of someone’s life.
If you prefer to listen click here for the audio recording
There is not a single person on this planet who was born to hurt or harm you in any way. People cause harm out of a reaction to their own fears. Fear for their physical safety, emotional safety and even fear of feeling safe in their own psyche (mind). That means if a person perceives a threat to their well-being in any way, they will choose to take action that will protect them or move them away from that perceived threat.
What does that mean for you? It means another person is not reacting or doing anything because of you. It has nothing to do with you. They are acting from a place of fear, a perceived fear.
Haven’t you ever been in a situation where you acted on what appeared to be a threat when it really wasn’t? Think back to a time where fear took you over. Was it the person or your perception of the situation that pushed you to act? Often, we are too quick to act when we need to take a step back to question our perception of reality in a given situation.
Yes, fear can be a good thing. When you are faced with emanate danger such as a tiger or bear chasing you. But in these modern times, the likelihood of encountering these types of dangers is pretty slim. Most of our modern-day fears stem from a mentally constructed, fabricated illusion of danger. It is our perception of reality that is dangerous.
So, what can you do now that you know this? Before you act, stop and ask yourself if there is a real threat, are you really in danger, or are you just triggered by the words someone just said. Words cannot cause harm. It is only the meaning, the perception of those words that you assign that can cause you any pain. No one can cause harm, only your perception can.
If you find this helpful or know someone who needs to hear topics like these, please be sure to share. Be a life changer. You never know what may change the course of someone’s life.
Your past will never dictate your future. Your past is done, finished and over never to be repeated again unless you decide to hold on to it. Just like the dinner you had last night, your first kiss or the time you stubbed your toe so hard you cried it’s all in the past. Your past only provides memories and wisdom as you move forward. The only reason your past replays in your mind is because you believe it is you.
Memories are not you. You are always the present moment. You get to chose who you are moment to moment.
Every moment, every second is another opportunity to do something different. A chance to see and experience life differently. You chose what you are right now, not your past. Break the cycle, break the pattern, break out of your depression and anxiety by choosing to see the present moment. See it with clear eyes and a clear mind so you can fully take in what is in front of you.
Your past is merely a distraction. Choose to see this life with fresh eyes and start to live in the moment. Be the author of your life today, tomorrow and for many years to come.
If you find this helpful or know someone who needs to hear topics like these, please be sure to share. Be a life changer. You never know what may change the course of someone’s life.
Are you living a life that you get excited about? Or have you found yourself living a life they say you should live?
We all begin in life with everything we need. As child, you followed your intuition and your instincts. You knew who you enjoyed being around and you knew what you wanted to do moment to moment and you did it. But somewhere along the way you were pushed to question our own inner wisdom. From that questioning, you find yourself living a life out of alignment, leaving you feeling confused, bitter at times and wondering if this is all there is in this life. You are not alone. This is part of being human, it’s part of the process of experiencing this life. You don’t have to stay stuck here.
If you have found yourself walking down a path in life where you feel lost, unsure of where you are going and just not feeling like you are yourself, don’t worry. We all veer off our path from time to time, but we can do something about it and make a course correction.
Begin by noticing your thoughts. Are your thoughts your own? Meaning do they feel true to you or do they leave you feeling like a bad person, an unworthy person or someone who is stuck with limited options? When the majority of our thoughts beat us down, it’s time to look at them and question them. Where did these thoughts come from in the first place? Did I pick this up from a parent, a friend, a teacher, the media or a religious institution? Are my thoughts fueling me to be the best version of myself or are they keeping me stuck?
Just the simple act of noticing your thoughts without having to buy into them is life changing. You will create an awareness within yourself to listen deeper, to uncover the truth and to experience yourself without being a prisoner to your thoughts. It is possible to see beyond the thoughts we have in our mind and see there is much more wisdom waiting for us to discover. Imagine what is possible when you don’t attach yourself to every thought that comes into your mind. Imagine a world where you get to live a life guided by an inner wisdom that knows how to keep you feeling alive, curious and knowing that anything is possible. Unlimited possibility, passion and excitement awaits just beyond our limiting thought patterns.
If you find this helpful or know someone who needs to hear topics like these, please be sure to share. You never know what may change the course of someone’s life. Be a life changer.
There is a message out there about getting what you want. It always seems to be delivered with the idea, the assumption, that getting what you want or making a change is hard and has to be difficult. But does it?
Of course this life will be hard, when we aren’t living the life we were designed to live. When we are continually chasing after the very things that will never fulfill our individual soul. We go out, follow someone else’s plan and think somehow, we will get a life specifically designed for our own personal happiness and fulfillment. This conditioned way of thinking that tells us life is hard, getting what you want is hard, living itself is hard is nothing more than a way to keep people distracted and doing life in line with someone else’s agenda.
We MUST see, once and for all, that one person’s idea of success, one person’s vision of the “good life”, one person’s path to a life of joy is NOT the path, vision or idea for everyone. Our need for acceptance, connection and love has been used and exploited to convince us that there is only one way for every human on this planet to have a successful and happy life.
Following someone else’s formula has led to the state of the world we find ourselves in today. We are experiencing the highest levels of depression, anxiety and misery today more than any other time in history. Following someone else’s idea of a well lived life has denied us the greatness that is lying dormant in each and every one of us.
When will we see that our desires are unique? They are ours to discover and uncover, not something we can be can told. We are put here to listen and to develop and to experience who it is we really are. When will we shift into a knowing that who we are is easy, fulfilling and creates the passion and the drive to be just that?
The next 3 years of your life will look like the previous 3 years of your life only if you buy into to the notion that getting what you want is hard and there is a certain prescriptive way to get it. It’s only when you decide you want to change, decide you want to develop yourself and decide to see that you are able, capable and designed to change that you will.
Have you ever met someone that inspired you or sparked something within you? Do you remember what it was that drew you in? It wasn’t how they dressed or their position in life. It was the fact that they were truly themselves and you connected with them. When we see these people in our everyday life it’s a breath of fresh air almost like they are infusing us with a ray of hope that enables us to see we can step into who we are too.
I meet people like this almost everywhere I go. Last year I was traveling every week for work and had the pleasure of meeting so many wonderful people. There is one I remember fondly. She had that special something about her. We talked and shared our observations and musing about this life and how we believe others should be treated. She said something that really stuck with me and led me down a road of contemplation. She said we should treat each other like they are family, especially when they enter our home. For her, home is a sacred place and the people she invites in need to be treated with love and kindness.
For most of us home is where we can be ourselves, feel love, show kindness and understanding like it’s the only place reserved for such indulgences. Since I have traveled so much, I see the environment of home a little differently. Home for me is whatever environment I am in. Wherever I am, I am home. I cannot wait to go to a physical place to experience who I truly am in this world, that could be weeks and sometimes months. I have to be myself at all times. Wherever I go, my beliefs about how to treat others remains the same.
We can’t wait to be at “home” before we decide to treat people with love, kindness and a desire to understand them. We don’t always get to pick and choose who invites themselves into our life so I do not believe we get to pick and choose how we treat people based on our physical location in the moment. Be yourself everywhere you go. Treat people as if you invited them into your home. Maybe you’ll be that ray of hope someone needs so they can do the same.
Do you want to see more love in your day to day life? Lead your life from love and it will inevitably show itself to you. Here are some ways we can all live from a place of love for the world to see.
Smile – Smiling is the ultimate way we show our love for life. Not only does it make you feel good, but a smile draws people to us like a magnet. We are literally radiating with love when we smile due to chemicals released into you blood stream.
Listen – Your ability to listen to others determines if another person will be attracted to you over time. Think about it – you would not stay around someone for very long if they don’t take the time to truly listen to you. Be the person who listens. It is one of the most loving ways to show up in this world.
Acceptance – Love in action is an ability to accept people for who they are and to deeply desire to understand others without judgement.
Be You – Showing up as yourself is one way we can show the world what we love. Love yourself enough to live in line with who you are without the need to please someone else.
The Place of Insight 